My favorite memories of Easter have always included picking out an Easter basket at Jewel Osco and waiting forever to open it. Mama did a great job at hammering the importance of this holiday and explaining the resurrection of Jesus but all I could think about was getting to that chocolate bunny.
Yes! I was the Easter basket bandit and it wasn’t until I got my sister involved that I was caught red-handed.
After purchasing the Easter baskets, mama would set them up in the living room high up on the glass table. My sister and I would compare Easter baskets every day after school. We were never allowed to touch them but we would undress the Easter baskets with our eyes going back and forth about which one contained the most candy. One night, in between Easter and a long week away, I decided to do the unthinkable. It took me a lot of time to analyze the way that the bow was placed. It took even longer to figure out how to untie it and replace the bow without nobody knowing.
I waited for everyone to go to sleep. I decided that I would start with my sister’s Easter basket. There was no way I was going to damage mine. Worst case, I would blame Chris the cat. I gently unraveled the bright pink bow that’s set atop my sister’s basket. “This was easy,” I thought to myself as I reached my hand inside to grab a piece of candy. I tugged and then out of frustration I pulled and finally realize that the candy was actually taped down to every single item in the basket. I guess that this mission was going to be harder than what I initially thought. I quickly rewrapped the basket and planned to strike again that night.
The next night, I was determined to pull out that piece of candy. I grabbed my school safe scissors and thought that this time I would simply cut the tape away. To my surprise, it worked. The only problem was that there was a huge gaping Gap left where the candy was missing. I pulled some of the plastic grass up to distract the spot.
The next day my sister and I stared at the two baskets, going back and forth about which basket had the most candy and surprisingly she did not notice that the box of nerds was missing from her basket.
I would continue the scheme for a few years and eventually decided to invite my sister in on the plan. We went to Jewel-Osco and picked out the Easter basket of our choice. We returned home and Mama placed them in the living room high up on the glass table. This particular year, we both had huge chocolate bunnies and toys in the baskets as opposed to small candies and a mixture of small toys. This year, taking a small treat out of the Easter basket would be harder.
I waited until everyone was sleep, gently nudged my sister to wake up, and explained to her how it would work. I pulled out my school safe scissors and begin to nibble at the bow. Getting through a cloth Bowl was definitely harder than the plastic bows that I was used to. The cloth bow didn’t maintain the shape like the plastic bow did. “Whatever, I was a pro at this and no one would notice.”
It took longer than usual but once the bow was removed, I proceeded to the inside of the basket. It was my sister’s basket so I didn’t care about things getting rearranged. Apparently, neither did she. All we could think about was taking a nice little bite out of this chocolate bunny in which we assumed was solid, not hollow. I took my safety scissors and slid them under the lid of the chocolate bunny box. It was my sister’s Easter basket so I agreed that she should have the first bite. She went to the ear. She wiggled the bunny’s ear back and forth until she was able to pry it off. “Oh crap!” She yelled. I looked at her and then I looked at the bunny… Except that the bunny was no more. His poor little body had cracked all the way down the middle and was shattered into small tiny pieces at the bottom of the box. “Abort mission,” I thought to myself. My sister rammed the bunny ear into her mouth enjoying every bite and snuck back into the bedroom while I was left with the job of concealing the lid that now had smudged chocolate fingerprints on the top and replacing the cloth bow.
The next morning, we sat in front of the Easter baskets except we did not compare the two. My sister’s Easter basket looked damaged and second hand. The chocolate bunny was nothing but a shattered eyeball and a chocolate carrot while my Easter basket stood proudly with the chocolate bunny in place and the professionally wrapped cloth Bow.
Mama, proud of what her stretched money was able to buy us this month walked over to admire the Easter baskets. Her smile quickly turned into a frown as she looked over at the two of us and we quickly looked away. Of course, my sister began to cry. Rattling on about how destroyed her Easter basket was and how all the bad things in the world only happened to her.
Easter came quick. We listened to church on the TV no different than the other Sunday’s. Mama made an amazing feast and a spectacular doctored box cake. When it was time to open the Easter baskets, my sister started to sob again. Mama opened up both of the baskets, took out my perfectly in place chocolate bunny, and split it in half with a hot knife. my sister got the top part of the bunny and I received the bottom part. She looked over with a slight grin and I stared back at her with my resting b**** face.